Because I Have Been Given Much...

"The Savior spent much of his time with people who had infirmities, both in Palestine and in the New World. Thus he set the example and invited us to follow him. Can we accept handicaps as differences rather than as signs of inferiority? Can we be selfless enough to fill the void in communication, to push a wheelchair up a ramp, to guide a blind brother or sister to a seat? Can we give something extra of ourselves to fill the void that a handicap may create? If we can, ours is the joyous promise, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” (Mosiah 2:17.)"  -Gordan B. Holbrook

This week for FHE my Provo family went to Centennial, a school for autistic children and adults, to join them for their school Halloween dance.  We all dressed up and went and partied with our new friends.  It was a BLAST!!  One boy, Cameron, asked me to dance with him for one of the slow songs.  As I was dancing with him he asked me if I knew how to drive.  I told him yes, and then his eyes got HUGE and he responded, "Well, I can't."  I laughed and told him driving wasn't all it was cracked up to be, which made him laugh.  He then went on to tell me he was working on his social skills; I must admit he was doing very well!  

Some of my family members (Jentry, Maloree, Avery, and Jess) with Cameron (in the light blue)

On our way out, several members of my family commented on how neat of an experience that had been; many had never interacted with handicap people before.  I honestly hadn't really even thought about it being a cool experience, it was honestly just...normal.  After listening to the others' experience, I realized that I maybe have taken for granted some of the amazing people in my life.  I have been so blessed to have grown up with a Down's Syndrome uncle, Bobby, on my dad's side, and an autistic uncle, Jeff, on my mom's side.  Bobby, although no longer here on this earth, taught me a lot of lessons that I think about often in my life.  I don't think I have ever met another person who can call someone a "cow" and have it be taken as a complement.  Bobby loved to arm wrestle, and he was STRONG!  I remember playing several games of basketball with him in his hospital room, and the joy he had every time he made a basket was incredible.  Bobby found joy in life in a way most people can't.  And the way my grandparents cared for him, you would have thought he was King, which I guess after this world, that's what he really is.  

Jeff, although he doesn't have much to say, is amazing to me.  He never cares what I look like, he still wants to give me a hug!  He has more passion in his life then most "normal" people do.  For example, he LOVES piano, and I'm willing to bet in the next life he will give Beethoven a run for his money.  He also LOVES bears!  He cares for his bears...the way some care for their children; I think he will one day be a great father.   

A few years ago I had the chance to work with the special Olympic Utah swim team and I worked at Provo Care, a facility for the mentally disabled.  I always left swim practice or work feeling better about myself and less judgmental towards others.  All of these experiences have not only made me appreciate the special people in my life, but made me more grateful for the life that I have now.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words...

 "Only A Life Lived (With) Others is Worth Living." -Albert Einstein

The Davis Darts now BYU Cougs!

Med-Surg Clinical Crew Fall 2011

Dirty Dash Team

Utah Lake...

Giant "Slip-n-Slide"...and we all had the bruises to show for it!

Jess, Me, and our big friendly giant...David

The three headed fortune teller...

Me and my brother Brock, aka B-town from club 440

The Crew

The Real Problem

"Perhaps the great divider between seekers of righteousness and self-righteous is that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness cannot rest until satisfaction and happiness come to those whom they strive to help. They hurt when others hurt. The self-righteous are often deed conscious rather than people conscious. They seem to glory in forms and traditions, formulas, and standards. They cast alms to the poor without loving them or stopping to discern what the real problem might be." - Chauncey C. Riddle

So last Thursday I had an interesting experience to say the least. I was at Timpanogos Regional Hospital on the Medical floor doing my clinical hours. It was about 7:00am and my RN and I were just finishing morning assessments and she was just beginning to explain the disease process of acute pancreatitis and it's relationship to lipase to me when over the intercom we hear, "Code blue room 402, code blue room 402." I looked at her, and in my mind I was thinking, "Whoa...it's like the movies! Code Blue's really do happen!"

Well she stopped mid sentence and started to run over to the next unit (the surgical unit). Well, doing what student nurses do, I followed right behind her with my squeaking shape-up shoes. As I was squeaking along behind her I thought, "This might be cool. I haven't really seen anything like this before." As we reached room 402, it was obvious that about 20 people had beat us there, but just barely. I could hear someone yelling to "Get the Epi" and could hear someone else yelling "negative on the pulse." Without hesitation, the respiratory therapist literally ripped off this man's hospital gown and began chest compressions. The nurse I was with then came rolling by with an AED cart and they set the paddles on his chest. What a jolt...literally! Still negative on the pulse...more chest compressions...more paddles...more compressions...more paddles...

My nurse came over and stood by me as I watched the medical staff try and keep this man, who was supposed to be discharged that morning, alive. It had been about 30min now, and you could see the sweat on those doing compressions. I kept looking at the "tele" machine which is a machine placed outside the patient's room that allows nurses to monitor vital signs without being in the room. Flat Line. I continued to look at the monitor when I saw a small "QRS" appear! At the same time I heard his nurse, "It's weak, call his wife and tell her to get here. We'll put him on life support in the ICU." I then heard the painful phone call to his wife. They didn't give her a lot of details in fear that she would not drive safely down, but I knew what she would find when she got here. They rolled him by me; even though his lungs were moving (he was intubated) I knew he was not really there.

I turned around and realized that it had now been 45 min and that my nurse had left. I rushed back to the med floor to find her. When I got there she asked how I was doing. I was surprised actually. I was fine. Seriously, I felt nothing. I just watched a man leave this earth, and I wasn't bothered, and that was bothering me. I told my nurse that and asked her if that was normal. I kept thinking I should want to cry or something. I felt heartless. We talked for a while in between visiting patients, and I felt better about everything, but still weird. It wasn't until I was riding in the elevator back from my lunch break that the situation hit. I got into the elevator at the same time as a family, all in tears. None of them were talking, and it was definitely not my place to break that silence. As their stop came, it was the 2nd floor, ICU. The doors opened to let them out, and standing in the waiting room was a whole family, including a very emotional older women. I didn't have to ask, I knew who they were. Here this family was, saying goodbye to their father, grandpa, and husband who I had just watched die.

It was weird to think that my life would go on, while their's would never be the same. I realized then that this is more than a job I'm training for, it's people's lives, families, and friends. The real problem for me up to this point was that I was too worried I was messing up, putting my grade in jeopardy. I don't want to mess up, and I still would like to get good grades, but I guess I realized that there are more important things...