Angles Helping Them

"I have noted that children are often more naturally accepting of pain and suffering. They quietly endure with humility and meekness. I have felt a beautiful, sweet spirit surrounding these little ones."

“Daddy, all of the children here in the intensive care unit have angels helping them.”-Kent F. Richards (April 2011 General Conference)

Working in pediatrics this semester has been a BLAST!  I love the little kids, but lets be honest, I have never been great with kids.  I feel stupid making noises at them, and I don't always understand what I'm supposed to do with them.  As I have gone through this semester, I have read this talk by Elder Richards a few times.  Before I go into clinical each day, I pray that I can have the spirit to guide me because even though I don't know what I'm doing, I know someone who does.  

One of my patients this week was a cute little two year old girl who had some complications following a tonsillectomy.  Her parents were SUPER nice, and very understanding, which is definitely not always the case.  Because of the advanced technology and innovations at Primary Children's, people come from all over the country for care and as a result, a majority of the patients I have cared for have not been members of the church.  The family of this little girl were not members and  it was obvious that something was missing from their lives.  As I walked into the room for the first time, the little girl just sat on her bed and stared at me.  It was so awkward!  Seriously, she wouldn't look at the nurse or her parents, just stared at me.  I smiled and glanced around trying to make it look like I didn't notice.  Mom started telling us that this little girl didn't like strangers and wasn't real open to being around the medical staff.  She wasn't lying.

The girl didn't want the nurse to do assessments or check the IV site.  She wouldn't take her medications and was pretty much starving herself to death. Every time we walked into the room...she stared at me!  Finally, I was fed up.  The nurse and mom were talking, and I was awkwardly standing there, and this staring thing was getting weird.  So I sat down on the bedside and started painting with her.  I picked up some little jewels she had and asked if I could use her glue to glue them on the paper.  She smiled...I took that as a yes.  After about five minutes of this, I looked up and realized the nurse had left and mom was just looking down at us.  Then mom said, "There must be something good about you, because she has never let someone play with like this."  

At that moment I realized that it was not me, but rather the fact that I had something in my life that she did not have at home.  The veil of little kids is very thin I believe.  Like the quote said, there are angles with these little kids. I played with her for the next 20 minutes, she even started to talk to me a little.  It was a great experience, and a great break from charting :)

...And So It Ends...

"Several times I looked behind to see who was pushing my cart...only to find that no one was there." -Levi Savage (17 Miracles)

It's interesting to pause for a moment and look back on the past four months of my life.  Med/Surg is notoriously the most demanding semester in the nursing program at BYU.  In all honesty...this semester has by FAR been the best semester I have had while attending BYU.  Would I want to go through that again...nope.  It was hard.  There is something about doing hard things that makes you realize just how not alone you are. 

Everyone always asks me what is was about BYUH that I loved so much.  I always just say the beach, the weather, or the laid back attitude of everyone.  All of those things are true, but I really only say those things because I'm not sure how to describe in words what it was that made me love BYUH.  I think after this semester, I have a better understanding however.  It was hard...a different kind of hard.  For the first time I had to stand up for myself, I learned what friendship meant, I learned what forgiveness entailed, and learned to prioritize what really is important in life, and that's not always school (sometimes it is though). 

This semester I had many experiences that were hard; some school, some not.  In both cases (BYUH and now) I often look back and wonder how I did it.  I can legitimately say that there were days that should not have been possible.  Where there was too much to do, to many people too talk to, and just not enough sleep or time to do it all.  Now, four months later, I'm looking back to see who was pushing my cart.  No one is there...physically.  I know without doubt that miracles still happen. Everyday. 

Two nights ago I was sitting at my computer, pretty much in tears ripping out my hair.  All I wanted was to "pass" this pharmacology test.  I had worked hard all semester, and to get the grade I wanted would have just been the perfect cherry to finish off the semester.  15 hours of studying...and I still didn't feel confident for this test.  That's when my roommates, who had no idea what was going on, asked if I wanted to go on a walk around the block.  I have never laughed more in my life than I did in that mile walk!  Tender mercy...miracle...whatever you want to call it...it happened.  My cart is not being pushed from behind, it's being carried. 

So...Merry Christmas. It's been good.  Until next time :)  That's All. 

    PS. There is something really hilarious in this pic...haha    

Because I Have Been Given Much...

"The Savior spent much of his time with people who had infirmities, both in Palestine and in the New World. Thus he set the example and invited us to follow him. Can we accept handicaps as differences rather than as signs of inferiority? Can we be selfless enough to fill the void in communication, to push a wheelchair up a ramp, to guide a blind brother or sister to a seat? Can we give something extra of ourselves to fill the void that a handicap may create? If we can, ours is the joyous promise, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” (Mosiah 2:17.)"  -Gordan B. Holbrook

This week for FHE my Provo family went to Centennial, a school for autistic children and adults, to join them for their school Halloween dance.  We all dressed up and went and partied with our new friends.  It was a BLAST!!  One boy, Cameron, asked me to dance with him for one of the slow songs.  As I was dancing with him he asked me if I knew how to drive.  I told him yes, and then his eyes got HUGE and he responded, "Well, I can't."  I laughed and told him driving wasn't all it was cracked up to be, which made him laugh.  He then went on to tell me he was working on his social skills; I must admit he was doing very well!  

Some of my family members (Jentry, Maloree, Avery, and Jess) with Cameron (in the light blue)

On our way out, several members of my family commented on how neat of an experience that had been; many had never interacted with handicap people before.  I honestly hadn't really even thought about it being a cool experience, it was honestly just...normal.  After listening to the others' experience, I realized that I maybe have taken for granted some of the amazing people in my life.  I have been so blessed to have grown up with a Down's Syndrome uncle, Bobby, on my dad's side, and an autistic uncle, Jeff, on my mom's side.  Bobby, although no longer here on this earth, taught me a lot of lessons that I think about often in my life.  I don't think I have ever met another person who can call someone a "cow" and have it be taken as a complement.  Bobby loved to arm wrestle, and he was STRONG!  I remember playing several games of basketball with him in his hospital room, and the joy he had every time he made a basket was incredible.  Bobby found joy in life in a way most people can't.  And the way my grandparents cared for him, you would have thought he was King, which I guess after this world, that's what he really is.  

Jeff, although he doesn't have much to say, is amazing to me.  He never cares what I look like, he still wants to give me a hug!  He has more passion in his life then most "normal" people do.  For example, he LOVES piano, and I'm willing to bet in the next life he will give Beethoven a run for his money.  He also LOVES bears!  He cares for his bears...the way some care for their children; I think he will one day be a great father.   

A few years ago I had the chance to work with the special Olympic Utah swim team and I worked at Provo Care, a facility for the mentally disabled.  I always left swim practice or work feeling better about myself and less judgmental towards others.  All of these experiences have not only made me appreciate the special people in my life, but made me more grateful for the life that I have now.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words...

 "Only A Life Lived (With) Others is Worth Living." -Albert Einstein

The Davis Darts now BYU Cougs!

Med-Surg Clinical Crew Fall 2011

Dirty Dash Team

Utah Lake...

Giant "Slip-n-Slide"...and we all had the bruises to show for it!

Jess, Me, and our big friendly giant...David

The three headed fortune teller...

Me and my brother Brock, aka B-town from club 440

The Crew

The Real Problem

"Perhaps the great divider between seekers of righteousness and self-righteous is that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness cannot rest until satisfaction and happiness come to those whom they strive to help. They hurt when others hurt. The self-righteous are often deed conscious rather than people conscious. They seem to glory in forms and traditions, formulas, and standards. They cast alms to the poor without loving them or stopping to discern what the real problem might be." - Chauncey C. Riddle

So last Thursday I had an interesting experience to say the least. I was at Timpanogos Regional Hospital on the Medical floor doing my clinical hours. It was about 7:00am and my RN and I were just finishing morning assessments and she was just beginning to explain the disease process of acute pancreatitis and it's relationship to lipase to me when over the intercom we hear, "Code blue room 402, code blue room 402." I looked at her, and in my mind I was thinking, "Whoa...it's like the movies! Code Blue's really do happen!"

Well she stopped mid sentence and started to run over to the next unit (the surgical unit). Well, doing what student nurses do, I followed right behind her with my squeaking shape-up shoes. As I was squeaking along behind her I thought, "This might be cool. I haven't really seen anything like this before." As we reached room 402, it was obvious that about 20 people had beat us there, but just barely. I could hear someone yelling to "Get the Epi" and could hear someone else yelling "negative on the pulse." Without hesitation, the respiratory therapist literally ripped off this man's hospital gown and began chest compressions. The nurse I was with then came rolling by with an AED cart and they set the paddles on his chest. What a jolt...literally! Still negative on the pulse...more chest compressions...more paddles...more compressions...more paddles...

My nurse came over and stood by me as I watched the medical staff try and keep this man, who was supposed to be discharged that morning, alive. It had been about 30min now, and you could see the sweat on those doing compressions. I kept looking at the "tele" machine which is a machine placed outside the patient's room that allows nurses to monitor vital signs without being in the room. Flat Line. I continued to look at the monitor when I saw a small "QRS" appear! At the same time I heard his nurse, "It's weak, call his wife and tell her to get here. We'll put him on life support in the ICU." I then heard the painful phone call to his wife. They didn't give her a lot of details in fear that she would not drive safely down, but I knew what she would find when she got here. They rolled him by me; even though his lungs were moving (he was intubated) I knew he was not really there.

I turned around and realized that it had now been 45 min and that my nurse had left. I rushed back to the med floor to find her. When I got there she asked how I was doing. I was surprised actually. I was fine. Seriously, I felt nothing. I just watched a man leave this earth, and I wasn't bothered, and that was bothering me. I told my nurse that and asked her if that was normal. I kept thinking I should want to cry or something. I felt heartless. We talked for a while in between visiting patients, and I felt better about everything, but still weird. It wasn't until I was riding in the elevator back from my lunch break that the situation hit. I got into the elevator at the same time as a family, all in tears. None of them were talking, and it was definitely not my place to break that silence. As their stop came, it was the 2nd floor, ICU. The doors opened to let them out, and standing in the waiting room was a whole family, including a very emotional older women. I didn't have to ask, I knew who they were. Here this family was, saying goodbye to their father, grandpa, and husband who I had just watched die.

It was weird to think that my life would go on, while their's would never be the same. I realized then that this is more than a job I'm training for, it's people's lives, families, and friends. The real problem for me up to this point was that I was too worried I was messing up, putting my grade in jeopardy. I don't want to mess up, and I still would like to get good grades, but I guess I realized that there are more important things...

And I Aint' Gonna Never Be

"With all due respect, uh, you demanded more of us. You demanded perfection. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not. And I ain't gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won every single game we have played till now. So this team is perfect. We stepped out on that field that way tonight. And, uh, if it's all the same to you, Coach Boone, that's how we want to leave it." - Julius (Remember the Titans)





Perfection is more than a goal, more than a suggestion, it's a commandment. On this earth, I will never become perfect...in fact...right now I am so far from perfect I need binoculars to even see the next road sign. But my weaknesses are somebody's strengths; my shortcomings are somebody's feats; my successes are somebody's failures. So...with all due respect...as a whole, we near perfect. I can help others magnify their strengths and learn from them to strengthen my weaknesses.

So story of the day...well yesterday I guess. So I went and played volleyball with some kids in my ward. Sometimes I'm OK at volleyball...most the time I'm not. Yesterday was one of those average days that about 50% of the time I hit the ball, and 50% of the time I hit the air. I'm not good under pressure. So when the score was getting close, I was getting nervous and my contact with the air was beginning to far out number the times I actually hit the ball. May I add that our team had already won a game...so we were on the winners side and really didn't want to lose. At game point for the opposing team they served the ball...right at me. Probably in their game plan :) The serve was coming at my face, and fast! I did the only thing I knew how to do! I called for my team, and ducked. Luckily they had my back and four players were there and hit the ball and kept us in the game. It was a bonding moment I feel...and one that I will probably never live down! At least I got some laughs though...right?

String Cheese. Lion King. Face Full Of Mud.

"Make life an adventure!" -Marjorie Paye Hinckley

Sometimes life comes with a lot of surprises. Some are good surprises. Some...are not. A recent surprise in my life...a new relationship. I would say it's going well. This my first real relationship, so sometimes there is communication issues. I feel like he's a clingy, but it's good for me. His name? Harold B. Lee Library on BYU's campus :) Basically what I'm getting at is that I spend a lot of time doing school work and sometimes it's overwhelming. It's a blessing really. I have learned to be that much more grateful for the fun times I do have, and I notice the funny things in life more frequently.

Moment 1: This week I went shopping at Macy's. I love string cheese, so of course I had to buy some. I couldn't find it anywhere though! So I finally went and asked an employee; he was in his early 70's, and had obviously been with the Macy's business for some time. It was a pretty busy night, and I didn't want to make a scene, so I just quietly asked him where the string cheese was. "CREAM CHEESE! WE SURE DO CARRY THAT! WE ALSO GOT YOUR PROVOLONE, HAVARTI, PEPPERJACK, MUNSTER, SWISS, SHARP CHED..."

He started to yell out every cheese! Everyone around was staring at us! "No sir," I said, "I just want STRING cheese."

"WELL. I JUST TOLD YOU! WE HAVE ALL KINDS OF CREAM CHEESE ON AISLE 10."

Ok. So he's old and hard of hearing. I just smiled and started to walk away and ran straight into this boy's shopping cart. He started to laugh, my face went red, and I started to apologize. He stopped my apologies and assured me that there was string cheese, along with the cream cheese, on aisle 10.

Moment 2: Lion King. Big screen. 3D!!!!! Lion King has been my favorite movie since the day I arrived on this earth! When I heard it was coming to the big screen in 3D, for two weeks only...I new it was in my destiny to see this movie! The fact that Lion King was going to be on the big screen was a miracle, but the second Zazu flew by my head and we were soaring over the African Savanna...tears may or may not have filled my eyes. Greatest ever!!!!!



























Moment 3: The Dirty Dash. It's exactly what it sounds like!! You get dirty...and you run. It's a 10K race/obstacle course filled with hay bales, rope swings, tunnels, climbing, swimming, and...LOTS of MUD! My team and I all wore cute bright orange fairy wings throughout the race. It was the most fun 6 miles I have ever run in my life!! I think I'm still chewing on mud and will probably have fun colored boogers for the next two years.